


It Takes Three To Tango

by Arkada



Series: Tony Stark's Unofficial Guide To Sleeping With Two Gods At Once [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Dancing, Genderbending, Loki being Loki, Magic, Multi, Thunderfrostiron - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-30
Updated: 2012-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-22 22:34:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/615103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arkada/pseuds/Arkada
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony and Loki are trying to dance, only there's a problem: between two men, who leads?</p><p>Loki has a solution, and Thor approves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It Takes Three To Tango

**Author's Note:**

> Santa did not bring me the rights to The Avengers for Christmas. Still have high hopes for next year.

Tony leans over the back of Loki’s armchair and presses a kiss to the side of his neck, and is ninety-eight percent sure he won’t get himself killed for it. “Whatcha reading?” 

Loki closes his book and holds it up. _Modern Ballroom Dancing._ “One of the few delightful things about your realm is the tendency for your dances to be formal and elegant. Asgard’s idea of a court dance is an orgy set to music.” 

Tony can’t see it but he just knows that lip is curling in disgust. “Ah, the traditional Viking mosh pit.” 

“Precisely.” 

Tony flips the book open again. “Anything catch your fancy?” 

Loki shrugs. “Unfortunately all these dances require one male and one female partner.” 

Meaning Loki can’t exactly practice with Tony, and he’s not about to call Natasha up here and ask _her_ to help out. Good thing Tony’s not exactly traditional. “Technically it’s just one who leads and one who follows, and we can do that fine.” 

“Ah.” Loki closes the book again, stands up, and takes Tony’s hand and pulls him into the middle of the library floor. “Then who, pray tell, is whom? I suppose I’m the taller, so-” 

He takes Tony’s right hand in his left and holds them at shoulder height, and places his other hand on Tony’s waist. Tony’s left hand is on Loki’s shoulder before he realizes that _he’s_ the woman.

He bumps Loki’s hand off his waist, grabs it, and rearranges the others to swap their roles. “Except _I_ already know how to dance, so I should lead. Besides, be happy, the ladies get all the fancy steps anyway.” 

Loki grins and steps sideways; Tony follows without thinking. Loki whirls them and when the room stops spinning, Tony’s in the woman’s position again with no idea how he got there. “In which case, you, as the experienced partner, should take the harder role.” 

It’s the word _harder_ that does it; of course he’s hard in his pants, geez, when is he ever _not_ around the gods he’s sleeping with? But there’s an edge in Loki’s voice that says that he’s thinking of innuendo too, and whether they get this dancing right or not, he’s getting laid. 

Probably with lots of maneuvering around who’s taking the ‘woman’s’ role. 

 _Sweet_. 

“On the other hand,” and Tony spins them and tries to pull off Loki’s switch trick. Turns out that coordinating not only your own body but also someone else’s while twirling is harder than it looks. Loki did it in one rotation; it takes Tony three, but when they stop he’s in charge again. “ _I_ don’t have the ability to turn myself into an actual woman.” 

Loki’s teeth gleam whitely in his semi-evil smirk. “Fortunately, I do.” 

Then there’s bright glowing sparks everywhere, only when they clear, Loki looks exactly the same. 

Maybe slightly taller. 

Oh, shit. 

Tony grabs at his chest and yep, now he really is the woman. “I meant for you to do this to _yourself!_ ” 

Loki rolls his eyes. “Oh, Stark, don’t tell me you’re disappointed.” 

It’s true, he’s (she’s?) kind of really not. Tony pulls at the neck of his (yes, dammit, _his_ ) t-shirt and peers down. 

“Aw, _what?_ You turn me into a chick and give me _these?_ ” 

Because the arc reactor’s still sitting in the middle of his chest – right where his cleavage should be, and the flesh has been cut away a bit to make room for it. And the shrapnel scarring that looks awful on his male chest is worse when it’s covering his breasts. 

Besides, they’re a bit on the small side.

Frankly, this isn’t what his teenage fantasies looked like, and given that Loki has _magic_ and can give him literally _any_ boobs in the world, you’d think he’d have something a bit more mind-blowing. 

Loki rolls his eyes again. “There is simply no pleasing some people. Even _Thor_ didn’t complain this much when I turned _him_ into a woman.” 

“Yeah, well, can you say _blonde bombshell?_ ” 

“This is what you would look like had you been born a woman, Stark. Deal with it.” 

 _Deal with it._ Loki’s been hanging around Clint way too much. 

“How about if I unequivocally refuse to sleep with you like this?” 

Loki’s eyes narrow and he might be about to do something about it – like, say, just put a magical illusion over Tony’s realistic chest, it’s not like Loki of all people doesn’t know what illusions are – when the door opens. 

Tony’s saved! 

“ _Thor!_ ” 

Only Loki cries out for help too, and suddenly they sound like whiny children desperate to get their side of the story in first. 

Which, to be honest, is exactly what they are. 

Thor raises his eyebrows. “This is not what I expected.” 

“Loki turned me-” 

“Doesn’t Stark make a _splendid_ woman, brother?” Loki purrs right over Tony’s masculine and dignified complaint which would not have involved pouting at all. 

Thor steps closer and looks Tony up and down, and oh god, is he actually considering taking _Loki’s_ side in this? 

“He does,” Thor agrees, “but I happen to know you make a finer one.” 

“Yeah!” Tony says. “That’s what I was going for in the first place!” 

“May I ask why?” Thor says, folding his arms across his massive yet flat chest. 

“Stark was attempting to teach me to dance. Unfortunately Midgardian dances require a male and a female to take part.” 

“They don’t _require_ ,” Tony grumbles. “It’s just generally the way things are done.” 

“I prefer Asgardian dance,” Thor says thoughtfully, “in which multiple persons of any gender can participate.” 

“Oh, right, the orgy set to music,” Tony says. That’s sounding like a pretty good idea right now. And there’s less chance of him getting stepped on. “Jarvis, play something – what do you think, guys?” 

“Loud and fast, with a strong rhythm.” 

“That preferably plays for approximately three hours.” 

Tony almost falls over right there. “Just turn me back into a man first.” 

Loki looks almost hurt. “Why?” 

He doesn’t want to say _I miss my dick_ even if it is kind of true. He has no idea what to do with this warm _internal_ feeling, and has a sneaking suspicion that the lack of prostate could become a problem. “Because I asked nicely?” 

Loki leans in, not far, and suddenly it’s very obvious that they’re still in dance position and only a few inches apart from each other, if that. “But you didn’t.” 

“Please?” 

“I could give you different breasts,” Loki offers. “If you’re so… reluctant to accept the ones you have.” 

“Be kind, Loki,” Thor says, and takes Tony’s hand in his. Tony pulls away from Loki and curls into Thor instead, trying to broadcast signals of _make him make me be a guy again!_ “Our mortal is new to the things your magic can do.” 

“Oh, should I turn you into a woman instead, brother?” 

“ _No!_ ” 

And, of all people, it comes from Tony. 

Besides, he really, _really_ , likes Thor’s giant Asgardian cock. 

Maybe even more than he likes having his own. 

“Give me the good breasts and we’ll see what we can do.” 

Tony can work with this. Probably. If he’s a man for most of it. 

Some of it. 

By the end of the night.


End file.
